How to Be a Matchmaker at School

Maybe your classmate hasn’t gone on a date in a while, or your lab partner is still recovering from a brutal break-up. You’d like to nudge your friends in the right direction, but you don’t want to make things uncomfortable, either. Don’t worry—you’ve come to the right place. Being a matchmaker isn’t hard, as long as you take the right precautions. We’re here to help you every step of the way, so you can set your friends and classmates up for success.

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]Ask for permission.

1. A single friend isn’t necessarily an unhappy friend. Always check in with your friends and classmates before you start playing Cupid. Some people just aren’t looking for a relationship, while others may still be coping with a break-up. Before you get the ball rolling, ask something like this:^[1]
   
   • “Hey Amber! I think you’d be a really great match with this guy from my math class. Would you like me to try and set something up?”
   • “Hi Dan! This might sound crazy, but I think Kelsey from our physics class really likes you. Would you like me to scope things out?”

[Edit]Match people who have shared interests.

1. Being single doesn’t count as common ground. Every person is incredibly unique, from their hobbies and passions to their favorite music group. Matching people on a random whim is just asking for trouble.^[2] Instead, match up your friends and classmates who have something significant in common.^[3]
   
   • Try pairing 2 classmates who have the same sense of humor.
   • Set up a date between 2 peers who are aspiring doctors.
   • Match up a member of the lacrosse team with a member of the field hockey team.
   • Don't put too much pressure on yourself to create a perfect match. You're never going to find someone who's 100% perfect for another person.^[4]

[Edit]Scope out potential compatibility issues.

1. Pairing a player with someone hoping to go steady is a recipe for disaster. Before you make a move, do a little research first. If your match-up offers more long-term risks than rewards, it probably isn’t worth pursuing.^[5]
   
   • If you don’t know a lot about your match-up, ask some other peers for advice. You might say, “Do you think Hannah and Derek would be a good couple?” or “Has Sarah dated anyone recently?”

[Edit]Ask yourself if the relationship could cause drama.

1. Do a little extra research if both people are from the same friend group. Did either person date someone else in the friend group? If so, did the relationship end on good terms? Don’t set up a match that’s destined to be overshadowed by jealousy and hurt feelings.^[6]
   
   • If Jack used to date Maria’s best friend, setting up Jack and Maria may not be a good idea.
   • If Sam has an on-again/off-again relationship with a guy on the basketball team, you shouldn’t set her up with a different guy on the team.

[Edit]Tune in to your feelings.

1. Ask yourself if you’re crushing on 1 of the people you’re matching up. Do you genuinely think these people would make a good couple, or are you repressing your own feelings by putting them together? Don’t sacrifice your own happiness for the sake of someone else.^[7]
   

[Edit]Get to the point instead of making a sales pitch.

1. You’re setting up a date, not auditioning for an infomercial. Chances are, your classmate isn’t interested in a list of adjectives about why someone is “perfect” for them. Instead, focus on the person’s morals and values, and why you think they’d be compatible with your friend. While you’re at it, use this conversation to share any possible dealbreakers, so your peer knows exactly what they’d be getting into. Try saying something like:^[8]
   
   • “Cliff really cares about the environment and spends most of his weekends volunteering. I know you spend a lot of time at the local animal shelter, so I think you’d be a great match.”
   • “I’m pretty sure that Jessica lives on the other side of town. I don’t know if location is a big dealbreaker for you, but I just wanted to let you know.”

[Edit]Arrange the date.

1. Plan something that both people will like. Maybe you’ll invite them both to a small party, or set up a date at a nearby cafe. Once you’ve settled on a time and place, offer to show up at the date yourself, which may help make things less awkward. When both people seem comfortable, you can leave them on their own.^[9]
   
   • Remember—you aren’t trying to blindside them. Say something like, “Jane is definitely interested in hanging out with you. Would you be interested in grabbing coffee this Saturday around 11?”
   • Or, you might say, “Rob said that he’ll be shooting hoops at the community center tomorrow night. Would you like to meet him there?”
   • You could set up an outdoor date, too! That might feel more fun and laid-back than something like a dinner date.^[10]

[Edit]Stay calm instead of gushing about the date.

1. At the end of the day, you can’t control how people feel about each other. As excited as you might be, don’t overhype the date or put extra pressure on your classmates. Maybe the date will be a huge success, or maybe they’ll realize they have nothing in common. Regardless, no amount of excited, overzealous questions will change anything. Try to keep your comments as neutral as possible.^[11]
   
   • “Just see how the date goes!” is much more neutral than “I’m so excited for your date on Friday. You guys are gonna have a blast!”
   • “What do you think of Maya?” is a much better question than “So, do you love Maya or what?”

[Edit]Offer support after the date.

1. One or both of them may want to share their thoughts. As a matchmaker, your job is to see the date through to the very end. Offer a listening ear and let your classmates speak their mind. Then, feel free to offer some advice. You could say:^[12]
   
   • “It sounds like you aren’t sure about how you feel. It probably wouldn’t hurt to go on another date and see if there’s actually a connection there.”
   • “It’s okay if you don’t like them! Just be honest about your feelings and let them know that it’s nothing personal.”

[Edit]Don’t force an unsuccessful match.

1. It can be frustrating to see all your hard work and planning amount to nothing. That’s okay! Don’t try to force your classmates on a second date if the sparks weren’t flying on the first one. Instead, just let it go and focus on setting up your next match.^[13]
   

[Edit]References

1. ↑ https://www.womansday.com/relationships/family-friends/tips/a7129/how-to-be-a-matchmaker/
2. ↑ https://www.goodmorningamerica.com/living/story/set-friend-date-follow-dos-donts-60995129
3. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a27034889/how-to-set-up-your-friends/
4. ↑ [v161399_b01]. 5 May 2020.
5. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a27034889/how-to-set-up-your-friends/
6. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a27034889/how-to-set-up-your-friends/
7. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a27034889/how-to-set-up-your-friends/
8. ↑ https://www.womansday.com/relationships/family-friends/tips/a7129/how-to-be-a-matchmaker/
9. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a27034889/how-to-set-up-your-friends/
10. ↑ [v161399_b01]. 5 May 2020.
11. ↑ https://www.womansday.com/relationships/family-friends/tips/a7129/how-to-be-a-matchmaker/
12. ↑ https://www.goodmorningamerica.com/living/story/set-friend-date-follow-dos-donts-60995129
13. ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/7-ground-rules-for-setting-up

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