How to Be Diplomatic with Your Boss

You've probably heard to be assertive in the work environment, but talking to your boss often requires a little more tact—especially if whatever you have to say isn't really "good news." In the world of international politics, diplomats navigate the complex and sometimes tense relationships between two countries with politeness and finesse. Here, we've compiled some tips you can use to channel that diplomatic nature into your dealings with your boss so you can get things done without ruffling any feathers.

[Edit]Steps

[Edit]Choose the right time and place for difficult conversations.

1. Your surroundings impact how your boss receives your message. Finding the right time and place to say what you want to say is a crucial part of being diplomatic. Choose a setting in which you're both comfortable, can easily be heard, and are less likely to be interrupted. Give critical feedback in private, rather than in public or in front of coworkers.^[1]
   
   • For example, you might invite your boss out of the office for a coffee and then raise your concerns there.
   • If your boss is particularly busy, it's a good idea to ask them when would be a good time to chat. Keep it casual! Just say something like, "There's something I'd like to chat with you about for maybe 5 minutes. When would be best?"

[Edit]Start with a positive comment.

1. Tell your boss about something they're doing really well. This is less about buttering your boss up before delivering criticism, and more about giving them a balanced picture. Starting off with what's going right also helps set the tone and puts you on a constructive path.^[2]
   
   • For example, you might say, "I'd like to take a moment to thank you for implementing the new reporting system. Things are going much more smoothly on the floor and our productivity has increased."
   • The comment should relate to the focus of your conversation as much as possible. For example, if you're going to discuss the problems you're having with a recent hire, you might start by mentioning the things that person is doing well.

[Edit]Emphasize your own perspective.

1. Speak in "I" statements to clearly express your thoughts. Present your thoughts or ideas as belonging to you without projecting them onto your boss or anyone else. If you frame your statement with "you," it can make your boss feel attacked—and that's hardly being diplomatic!^[3]
   
   • For example, you might say, "I'm concerned that John isn't adapting to his new role." This is far less confrontational than saying, "you shouldn't have promoted John."
   • Use "I" statements when you respond to your boss as well. For example, rather than saying "you're wrong," say "I disagree." This is assertive, diplomatic communication that leaves room open for discussion.

[Edit]Offer a solution to any problem you raise.

1. Explain anything you've already done and provide a couple of other options. Most likely, your boss is less concerned with the problem that exists and more concerned with how to fix it so that it doesn't continue to happen. Let your boss know that you've thought about this before you brought it to their attention and have some ideas.^[4]
   
   • If you have more than one possible solution, present the pros and cons of each. Then, let your boss know which you recommend. At the same time, you also want to reinforce that you're open to other options and will ultimately go along with whatever your boss decides.

[Edit]Focus on the good of the company.

1. Root your argument in the common goals you and your boss have. This helps your boss to see that you're looking after the best interests of the company, not your own selfish desires or interests. State how your idea benefits the company and back that conclusion up with hard data.^[5]
   
   • For example, you might say, "Doing away with TPS reports would increase productivity by 25%, which could increase sales by as much as 50%."
   • You could also explicitly acknowledge this common ground. For example, you might say, "I know we both want to increase the productivity of this department. Eliminating some of these reports that aren't actually used by anyone would be a good way to do that."

[Edit]Rephrase negative statements in more positive terms.

1. Include words like "able" and "yet" to signal you're still working hard. This technique works especially well if you've hit a snag on an assignment or project. Using some form of "able" implies that you would have it done had something out of your control not intervened. Adding "yet" lets your boss know that it will be completed soon.^[6]
   
   • For example, you might say, "I'm afraid I've not been able to close the Dunder Mifflin account yet. I could use a few more days to wrap it up."
   • Verbs in past-progressive tense indicate that you're still working, which is more positive than simple past tense. For example, "I haven't finished that project yet," rather than "I didn't finish that project."

[Edit]Use helping verbs to express possibility.

1. Verbs like "could," "should," "would," and "might" soften a demand. You want your boss to do something for you, but you can't just demand that they do it—after all, they're still your boss. Add a helping verb that indicates what you're asking is a possibility or suggestion, rather than a requirement.^[7]
   
   • For example, you might say, "It would help to have a little more time to finish that project," or "I could use a little more time to finish that project. It might also help to have someone else assist me with the final numbers."

[Edit]Soften forceful statements with polite language.

1. Add an apology or a qualifier to make your statement less harsh. While being direct is typically important in business communication, a little politeness can go a long way when you're talking to your boss. Use this to show empathy for your boss's position.^[8]
   
   • For example, you might say, "I'm so sorry that I won't be able to attend the meeting. Could I have someone else go in my place?"
   • Don't be afraid to include a statement acknowledging your boss's work as well. For example, you might say, "I know you've put a lot of work into this presentation. I'm so sorry I haven't been able to compile these numbers yet. Would it be okay if I got them to you on Friday?"

[Edit]Ask questions to gain a better understanding.

1. Listen actively and get clarification when necessary. Part of being diplomatic is making sure you're both on the same page. Asking your boss questions shows that you're listening to them and making an effort to understand them. It also shows that you're interested in their viewpoint and value what they have to say.^[9]
   
   • For example, you might say, "I'm sorry, but why is the CEO so concerned about the Stanton office? I thought everything there was under control."
   • If you don't have any questions, you might also restate something your boss said in your own words. That helps you make sure you understood them correctly. For example, you might say, "Am I hearing you right? You think that Avery would do better if you transferred them out of my department and into sales?"

[Edit]Control your own emotions.

1. Stick to the facts and keep the discussion professional. Discuss your concerns in a calm manner and avoid lashing out at your boss in frustration. Keep a cool head and look towards solutions for whatever problem you have, rather than harping on about the problem itself.^[10]
   
   • It can be hard not to take things at work personally—especially if you have a complaint! Just try to remember that you and your boss both have the same overall goals to help the company succeed.

[Edit]Maintain positive and assertive body language.

1. Sit or stand straight with your shoulders back and make eye contact. This body language communicates to your boss that you're confident and open to them. Avoid crossing your arms and legs, which will make you seem closed off.^[11]
   
   • Keep a positive or neutral facial expression. An angry or frustrated facial expression can make your message come across far more negatively than you intend.
   • If you have a hard time with assertive body language, practice in front of a mirror or get a friend to help. With some time, it will become second nature.

[Edit]Listen actively to your boss's response.

1. Make eye contact and ask clarifying questions to show that you're listening. Being diplomatic isn't just about what you say—paying attention to what your boss says in response is equally important. Lean forward a little as they speak, perhaps mirroring their body language or facial expressions.^[12]
   
   • Before you say something in response, briefly summarize what they said in your own words. This ensures them not only that you were listening but also that you understood what they were saying. And if you happened to misunderstand, you've given them an opportunity to correct that.

[Edit]Be open to criticism from your boss.

1. Turn negative statements into ways that you can improve. It can be all too easy to beat yourself up when your boss gives you negative feedback. Take a few deep breaths if you need to and remind yourself that all feedback is intended to help you become better at your job. Your boss wouldn't give you feedback at all if they didn't believe you could improve.^[13]
   
   • For example, if your boss mentions errors in your report, you might reframe that as "I need to give my reports an extra round of editing before I submit them."
   • It can also help to ask your boss about what you came up with. For example, you might say "Would it help if I edited my reports one more time before I submitted them?" They might also give you other ideas you can use to correct whatever problem they've raised.
   • Try to understand the reasons that your boss made the comments they made. Ask questions if you're not sure! It's important that you understand their expectations so you can fulfill them to the best of your ability.

[Edit]References

1. ↑ https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/323153
2. ↑ https://www.inc.com/peter-guagenti/5-tips-to-confront-your-boss-and-not-get-fired.html
3. ↑ https://www.inc.com/peter-guagenti/5-tips-to-confront-your-boss-and-not-get-fired.html
4. ↑ https://hbr.org/2014/12/the-right-way-to-bring-a-problem-to-your-boss
5. ↑ https://www.inc.com/peter-guagenti/5-tips-to-confront-your-boss-and-not-get-fired.html
6. ↑ https://englishwithatwist.com/2016/11/24/meetings_diplomatic-language_part-1/
7. ↑ https://englishwithatwist.com/2016/11/24/meetings_diplomatic-language_part-1/
8. ↑ https://englishwithatwist.com/2016/11/24/meetings_diplomatic-language_part-1/
9. ↑ https://www.inc.com/peter-guagenti/5-tips-to-confront-your-boss-and-not-get-fired.html
10. ↑ https://www.apa.org/topics/healthy-workplaces/managing-boss
11. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/assertive/art-20044644
12. ↑ https://www.communiquepr.com/the-basic-tenants-of-diplomatic-communication/16888/
13. ↑ https://www.apa.org/topics/healthy-workplaces/managing-boss

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